Ok, everyone…I’d first like to acknowledge that - for once - I’m typing this directly into my blog. No agonizing for days over whether “but” or “of” would better serve a particular sentence. No agonizing for weeks over which photos to include. Easy-Breezy.
…Which is kind of funny, considering that I’m about to address one of the most stressful conceivable issues that a couple might face while planning their wedding. The [insert ominous music here] contentious guest.
Now, everyone loves to tell couples to just take a deep breath and remember that “this is their day.” And, of course, that’s not BAD advice…just painfully naive. Because honestly…if you wanted a day that was 100 percent about you and your spouse to be, you wouldn’t be having a wedding. You’d elope, inviting only two of your nearest and dearest to serve as courthouse witnesses. Or maybe you’d take it a step farther, and have a have a cruise ship captain marry you off the coast of some tropical paradise. You’d dodge all of the uncomfortable questions, and would evade all of the “help” that - however well-intended- invariably feels as though it may as well be offered at gun point. Granted, you’ll probably field any number of passive-aggressive mumblings at future family events for the next…forever or so. But the day WILL be yours!
…Do you see why I’m skipping the photos yet? I love my clients - genuinely - and would hate for one of them to stumble across one of their photos linked with this post. I’m just trying to say that full-on weddings (the kind that you - say - might hire a photographer to shoot) ARE a celebration of your love for each other. They’re also a celebration of your love for your friends…your family…your people. Andwith people come many joys…but let’s be real. With people come potential complications.
Wow. I use a LOT of words to say simple things. Maybe I should add some stock art or something in here? Regardless, there IS a constructive point to all of this word salad! Honest!
So, in list form (and this may well grow as I think of further examples and gain additional feedback):
1) Tell your photographer about any family drama, and give them the tools they need to keep that burden off YOUR shoulders. If you have a wedding coordinator, tell your coordinator. If you have a videographer, tell your videographer. We are actively involved in wedding just about EVERY weekend. Chances are, we can help…or at least make subsequent photoshop removal easier?
2) Set specific boundaries - ESPECIALLY regarding traditions that aren’t high on your priority list. For example: if you don’t care terribly much about the posed family formals, that makes it even MORE important to have a detailed list of specific combinations that YOU actually do want. There’s something almost talismanic about a piece of paper listing “every single photo requested by the couple.” It also empowers your photog to tell “helpful” relatives “hey - that pic of all thirty-nine second cousins sounds amazing! But we’re working with limited time here: so, if you don’t mind, gather them all up during some lull in the evening, I’ll grab the wedding couple, and boom! They get the pic. You get to enjoy your reception with minimal interruption. Win!
3)If you have someone who (“bless their heart,” as we say in the south) you KNOW is going to overly involve themselves, find them a task that A) isn’t very important to you but B) makes THEM feel integral. For example: when the big brother of a certain anonymous wedding photographer (you probably wouldn’t know her. I think she lives in, like, Canada or something) got married, his mother would NOT stop going on and on about how “putting cheap Sutter Home Wine in the hotel welcome bags was NOT the done thing,” that brilliant brother sent her on a quest to find a better (yet still affordable) vintage. The mom in question happily devoted her days to touring local vineyards in search of JUST the right mini-bottles for those preliminary gift bags. The brilliant big brother and his bride-to-be were left alone to handle all the last minute details. Mom felt important and involved (which, ultimately, is all these folks really want - to feel like they’re truly helping)…but didn’t get in the way. As stated above…WIN!
Okay, without included photos, this post doubtlessly already looks like the first chapter of a very long, very dry novel…so I’ll stop. Please do feel free to drop feedback, suggestions, or angry recriminations in the comments.
In the meantime, to all the soon-to-be-married couples out there: may your planning go smoothly, may your day be the exact right balance between “beautiful” and “a total blast,” and may any and all meddling guests be easily distracted.
All my love, random internet stranger!
