Quick Tip: Dealing with Contentious Guests / Family Members...

Ok, everyone…I’d first like to acknowledge that - for once - I’m typing this directly into my blog. No agonizing for days over whether “but” or “of” would better serve a particular sentence. No agonizing for weeks over which photos to include. Easy-Breezy.

…Which is kind of funny, considering that I’m about to address one of the most stressful conceivable issues that a couple might face while planning their wedding. The [insert ominous music here] contentious guest.

Now, everyone loves to tell couples to just take a deep breath and remember that “this is their day.” And, of course, that’s not BAD advice…just painfully naive. Because honestly…if you wanted a day that was 100 percent about you and your spouse to be, you wouldn’t be having a wedding. You’d elope, inviting only two of your nearest and dearest to serve as courthouse witnesses. Or maybe you’d take it a step farther, and have a have a cruise ship captain marry you off the coast of some tropical paradise. You’d dodge all of the uncomfortable questions, and would evade all of the “help” that - however well-intended- invariably feels as though it may as well be offered at gun point. Granted, you’ll probably field any number of passive-aggressive mumblings at future family events for the next…forever or so. But the day WILL be yours!

…Do you see why I’m skipping the photos yet? I love my clients - genuinely - and would hate for one of them to stumble across one of their photos linked with this post. I’m just trying to say that full-on weddings (the kind that you - say - might hire a photographer to shoot) ARE a celebration of your love for each other. They’re also a celebration of your love for your friends…your family…your people. Andwith people come many joys…but let’s be real. With people come potential complications.

Wow. I use a LOT of words to say simple things. Maybe I should add some stock art or something in here? Regardless, there IS a constructive point to all of this word salad! Honest!

So, in list form (and this may well grow as I think of further examples and gain additional feedback):

1) Tell your photographer about any family drama, and give them the tools they need to keep that burden off YOUR shoulders. If you have a wedding coordinator, tell your coordinator. If you have a videographer, tell your videographer. We are actively involved in wedding just about EVERY weekend. Chances are, we can help…or at least make subsequent photoshop removal easier?

2) Set specific boundaries - ESPECIALLY regarding traditions that aren’t high on your priority list. For example: if you don’t care terribly much about the posed family formals, that makes it even MORE important to have a detailed list of specific combinations that YOU actually do want. There’s something almost talismanic about a piece of paper listing “every single photo requested by the couple.” It also empowers your photog to tell “helpful” relatives “hey - that pic of all thirty-nine second cousins sounds amazing! But we’re working with limited time here: so, if you don’t mind, gather them all up during some lull in the evening, I’ll grab the wedding couple, and boom! They get the pic. You get to enjoy your reception with minimal interruption. Win!

3)If you have someone who (“bless their heart,” as we say in the south) you KNOW is going to overly involve themselves, find them a task that A) isn’t very important to you but B) makes THEM feel integral. For example: when the big brother of a certain anonymous wedding photographer (you probably wouldn’t know her. I think she lives in, like, Canada or something) got married, his mother would NOT stop going on and on about how “putting cheap Sutter Home Wine in the hotel welcome bags was NOT the done thing,” that brilliant brother sent her on a quest to find a better (yet still affordable) vintage. The mom in question happily devoted her days to touring local vineyards in search of JUST the right mini-bottles for those preliminary gift bags. The brilliant big brother and his bride-to-be were left alone to handle all the last minute details. Mom felt important and involved (which, ultimately, is all these folks really want - to feel like they’re truly helping)…but didn’t get in the way. As stated above…WIN!

Okay, without included photos, this post doubtlessly already looks like the first chapter of a very long, very dry novel…so I’ll stop. Please do feel free to drop feedback, suggestions, or angry recriminations in the comments.

In the meantime, to all the soon-to-be-married couples out there: may your planning go smoothly, may your day be the exact right balance between “beautiful” and “a total blast,” and may any and all meddling guests be easily distracted.

All my love, random internet stranger!

Quick Tip: The Wedding-Day Time Machine...

…Okay.  So, by now, pretty much everyone has heard about the incredibly close link between scent, memory, and emotion.  More importantly, we have all experienced it.  A whiff of cinnamon and spice, and you’re a kid in your mom’s kitchen, eager to skip all that “turkey dinner” nonsense and dig in to her delicious pumpkin pie.  Walking through the local botanical garden during lilac season, then suddenly, you can’t stop laughing about the time your high school prom date forgot the corsage, and tried to fumble up a replacement with flowers raided from your neighbor’s garden. You always buy the same brand of laundry detergent, because somehow, wearing a sweater that smells like Tide feels like a hug from your grandma.  Basically, if you’re struck by a random memory, take a deep breath in through your nose.  Chances are, that memory just floated to you - invisible, yet potent - through the air.

About a year back, one of my brides pulled out a truly beautiful bottle of perfume, and told me “This is going to be my wedding perfume.  I’ll wear it today, and then every time I put it on, my husband and I will remember our wedding day.”  …How utterly brilliant.

So - for an instant trip back to one of the happiest days of your lives - consider getting a special bottle of perfume or cologne (and gifting another one to your partner).  Or, if perfume/cologne just isn’t your thing - add a particularly fragrant flower to the bouquets and/or boutonnières. Particularly potent (and lovely!) examples include Jasmine, Freesia, Lavender, and - of course - the classic: Rose.

Then - on anniversaries…special occasions…just whenever you want or need to be transported back in time - all you have to do is breathe.

Quick Tip: What to Pack for your New Orleans Wedding Day...

So - you know how everyone always says that “your wedding day will go so by quickly,” and “it’ll all pass in a blur?”  Well, based on my own wedding, the proverbial “they” are 100% right.  Don’t get me wrong - I have a ton of glowingly wonderful memories - they’re just all a little soft around the edges. ...To be fair, that’s at least partially because, though I never even got a chance to see my food, my fantastic day-of coordinator did a wonderful job of keeping me well hydrated with Vodka Red Bulls. (In related news, make sure you eat at your wedding reception!).  

It's your wedding, so technically, this whole thing belongs to you...

So, why exactly did I never actually get any of my (apparently delicious) food? You see, a wedding reception is basically just a glorious obstacle course of sweetness and love. As one half of the happy couple, you will not be able to go more than 2.5 steps in any direction without being hugged, kissed, and congratulated.  It’s a seriously heartwarming experience, but it also makes it rather difficult to successfully make your way toward any specific goal.  It’s safe to say that at some point during your reception, you are A) going to need something and B) not have whatever it is easily available to you.  This is where a little advanced planning comes in VERY handy.

There are tons of lists out there explaining exactly what you should pack for your wedding day, and I’ll be throwing in my own two cents at the end of this post.  However, here’s my most important piece of advice: even if you have a day-of coordinator whose sole job is to make sure you always have everything you need, pack a bag and figure out in advance where you’re going to stash it!  At your wedding reception, it’s going to be hard enough just getting from point A to point B.  Trying to track down a specific human being adds a whole new level of complication.

So, with no further ado:

What to Pack for your NOLA Wedding Day:

Photo courtesy of Amazon.com

“Fashion Secrets Emergency Kit”
I was initially writing out every little thing that you need, but this cute little box fits most of my suggestions into one neat package.  

Oil-blotting Sheets - even before you start dancing up a storm, it gets seriously hot and humid down here in New Orleans. These little miracles are wonderful for removing shine without hurting your makeup, and since they aren’t actually real cosmetics, you can often even get the guys to use them. 

Anti-Frizz Hair Sheets - after you remove the oil from your face, you can add (coconut) oil to smooth down your hair.

Bobby Pins - if you don’t need them, someone else will.  It’s a guarantee.

And the Hankie can work double duty for the Second Line!

Mascara, Concealer, and Lipstick/Gloss (if applicable) - especially if you think you might cry, you may need to do a touchup at some point.

A Hankie or Tissues - see previous point regarding “especially if you’re a cryer.”

Breath Mints/Spray - NOLA food is spicy, garlicky, oniony, and delicious.  This is wonderful while you’re eating, but the aftertaste isn’t necessarily pleasant.

Pain Reliever, Antacids, Anti-Diarrhetics, etc. - if your body starts to misbehave, you'll want to be able to nip that right in the bud.

A Snack - people will be offering to bring you food all day…except for the moment when you suddenly realize you’re ravenous.  According to Murphy’s Law, that’s the only time that no one will be on standby.
 

Hey - no one said "comfy" had to mean "boring!"

Comfy Shoes - no matter how gorgeous your heels are, you don’t want to spend the night in pain.  It’s not only an unfortunate memory - it takes you “out of the moment” while you’re otherwise enjoying your wedding, and that shows in the photos.

A Simple, Comfortable Dress (if applicable) - chances are, you won’t need to use this one.  But it’s hard to know exactly  how comfortable your wedding dress is going to be after a full day, and having the option to change if there’s beading rubbing you uncomfortably, or the dress keeps slipping down, or you’re uncomfortably hot, etc. can be very liberating.

I’ll add more if I think of anything.  In the meantime, have a great day, and happy wedding planning! Oh, and remember - don’t be Willow.  EAT ON YOUR WEDDING DAY!

And sadly, no - delicious moonshine milkshakes don't count as "food."